Life Events that Try to Break Us:

My senior year of college, my mother died suddenly and I never fully grieved her loss because two short months later, I found out that my husband and I were expecting our first child and that became my focus.

 

During my pregnancy, I was in pain early on and at 31 weeks, I suffered a pre-term premature rupture of membranes (PPROM) and my daughter was born prematurely by c-section after 5 1/2 rough weeks of hospitalization. She then failed to thrive, but despite that I was determined to breast feed with supplementation. When we had our son, just under two years later, I had to have another c-section because my body would not go into labor naturally due to the use of progesterone to prevent PPROM. He also struggled to thrive, so I was referred to a breast feeding doctor who determined I had Insufficient Glandular Tissue and Hypoplasia, which were preventing my body from producing enough milk for him. This was not the first time I was presented with the idea that my body was not sufficient, but it did take a bigger toll on me mentally than ever before. Breastfeeding was a bittersweet act for me- I was proud of myself for making it through more than a year with both children, but knowing that they could never be fully fed by me and being reminded every few hours of this inability was difficult.

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While struggling with self-esteem, I was also finally learning to grieve the loss of my mom and I was waking up unable to walk due to pain in my back. For about a year, I had injections in my spine to alleviate the pain, but nothing worked. My x-rays showed an unusual amount of bone growth and arthritis for my age, but every blood test that doctors thought would provide more answers came back negative. I was however diagnosed by a genetic specialist with Ehler-Danlos Symdrome (EDS), which explained my many injuries, loose joints, and pain from a young age.

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After a year of not walking well; falling down our stairs on numerous occasions resulting in a concussion; having stomach pains whenever I ate and getting very sick; and then increasing pain when I had menstrual cycles, I was finally told that the pressure and pain might be exacerbated by my uterus- a condition called Adenomyosis, which could only be definitively diagnosed after a hysterectomy. Considering my previous c-sections, I was only able to have an open procedure and thank goodness for that because not only was Adenomyosis confirmed, so was the fact that EDS had resulted in extensive scar tissue build-up,which had adhered my uterus to my bladder.